Edited to add: I really didnt meant to write this to get sympathy or have a pity party. Just wrote it to get some heaviness off my shoulders and to let you all in on a piece of the puzzle as to why I hibernate away from people most of the time.
This made me cry. And it took me 3 days to get thru the whole thing.
I used to have friends. And now the only adults I speak to outside of my family and husband, are ones at work or thru Facebook or text messaging.
I am a natural introvert. So I shy away from 90% of social situations. But with Mr. Man, I get lost in his world and forget that I too, need friends outside of my husband. I haven’t been on a girls night in probably 3 years or more. Hell…. the husband and I haven’t gone on a childless date in just as long bc we can’t afford a sitter
But the problem is, I am so exhausted at the end of the day being all consumed and in tune with Mr. Man’s needs, that I forget I am my own human. I forget to reply to text messages. And then I feel guilty looking at them 3 days later, so then I really don’t reply, and then the guilt cycle continues.
And I am crying just writing this because, while I have people I call my friends, I don’t go out with them, I don’t have girls night’s. Or go on girl day trips. Or girl chats, or whatever the girls do. And I so badly want that. I want that feeling. And post Mr. Man…I don’t know how to make that happen.
But I do have Mr. Man and his meltdowns that only I seem to know how to de-escalate. I take him to his appointments. I stop what I am doing and I pick him up when he is in meltdown at wherever he is at. And then I love him with all my heart. Bc him and his sister are my world.